Aint no fairytale ending.

who cares what they say
just as long you & i, we're, okay.

you could make me smile,
even if its just for a while.

hold my hand,
let time stand.

keep me sane,
dont put me through pain.

dont let me down,
youre what makes my world go round,

for now.

Ignorance is Bliss.

Sometimes, overlooking things, not thinking, or pretending not to think, not caring, or acting like you dont care or arent affect helps. Eventually, it might just lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the things you so frequently try to do become a normal habitual behaviour that you do not try anymore. It becomes easy-- like a snap of a finger. Does that make us happier people? To a certain extend, yes. Thats how the saying "ignorance is bliss" came about, isnt it? If so, I dont wanna know your past, I dont wanna know how you feel, I dont wanna know what you do, what matters is that it is you making me happy. I mean, any good guy can turn bad, and hard to believe but any bad guy can turn good too. Afterall, nobody is born evil, are they?

indigo.

It's one of those nights, or rather day, where I feel an extreme insecurity within. Been listening to Aqualung. Songs like Breaking my heart again, Easier to lie, Strange and beautiful. It seems all too familiar. This feeling, this scenario--sitting alone in the living room at 2.20 am blogging out of a sudden urge-- is kinda like deja vu.

Do I think too much for my own good? Or is this thinking gonna do actual goodness? Is it good to think twice and thrice? Is it good to be wary, to doubt, to put up my guards, to question, to check, to analyze? Am I reading too much into it? But my actual thoughts were never really wrong. I was wrong to disregard the initial doubts, to go ahead pretending it is alright, or it will be alright. And then, I end up being stupid. And being stupid for not being careful is one thing, whereas being stupid for being careful and yet getting cheated eventually is another thing. It just proves nothing about my intelligence. My thinking and worrying has gone to nought. It might as well not have been done anyway.

Im ranting, Im ranting. It is a bad sign. I just knew I cant expect good things to happen to me. I wish someone would tell me that this time, this time I truly deserve a break from all the uncertainties and misfortunes and whatnots. Convince me that I have no need to worry, that I can lay my head down and rest with a peace of mind that Im in good hands. Will you?

Joie de Vivre

Yes, I want to live by that phrase. But it's so hard. I have an ominous feeling, and it's eating in slowly. I feel history's gonna repeat itself like a spoilt tape recorder -- rewinding and playing the same awful tune.

And I feel like a damn schizo.

I said I like rollercoaster rides,
but I didnt mean this kind.

Square One.

Where's the fire? There is no reason to rush through this day -- whether you are egged on by your own expectations or by annoying peer pressure, there is no good reason not to take things slow. If you have some exciting plans for this evening that's fine, but that doesn't mean you should forget about what is going on today. Everything and everyone you encounter right now is worth your full attention. You are sure to learn something in the course of your day that will enrich you.

I feel so lame, reading dumbass horoscope shit that gives you totally random rubbish. What is lamer is I actually do trust in this rubbish once in a while.
God, I'm so full of doubts now.
Why oh why must this happen to me.


Take me on an escapade,
I want to break free.

Vacation !

I suddenly forgot how to write, or rather to blog. It's the sympton of being happy, dont worry. Haha. I cant say that Ive finally found someone good, but what the hell, life's too short to worry too much isnt it? Whether or not I get hurt, is only a matter of time. If it isnt him, itd be someone else anyway. But why not just go ahead if Im happy now right?

I MISS THE VEGES! :( let's have a get-together soon! (:

A brighter light?

Im happy, but in doubt. Im smiling, but for how long? It's not anyone's fault, but people have hurt me too much till I believe there will not be someone who wont try hurting me. I dont know. Paranoia. Insecurity. inability to trust. Whatever you may call it. I have a right to feel that way. Be it being selfish or not. Isn't it?
I need to talk to someone but I doubt anyone would give me the answers I would most like to hear.

For now, Il keep smiling, because nothing bad has happened. (: